Tender shepherd, give me a heart that is pure so that my words may be pure.
Give me a heart that is kind, so that my words may be kind.
Give me heart that is full of joy and encouragement so that I may share these with those you bring to my path and with whom I share conversation.
In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
I don’t have much to share.
I’m happy.
Genuinely happy.
🙂
I feel a merry Christmas ahead.
🙂
Messy stuffs blocking my nerve tracks.
Waking alone, seeing that I am totally lost.
This is not the me that I used to be.
So I need some time to clear the mess, to teach myself the right way to behave, and the right words to say.
I need some time to tell myself that it isn’t bad that I failed my forensic exam, it isn’t bad that my left hand is not improving much, and it isn’t bad that my right hand continues to cause me pain.
I had been wandering off too far. It’s too far for me.
I will be praying hard, that some day, my right hand will be totally fine and I need not to rely on helping hands even in the little things that I could do in life.
I need discipline. I need to do real studying. I need to rest well. I need a good laugh. I need a good appetite. I need to summon the optimist in me!
I’ll be having a week’s break. I’ll be back again, fully charged and once again, it’s the Yen-Née whom I adore so much.
(I kinda dislike the current me. 😦 )
I spent a whole day with sister!
And we had my favorite Korean food as lunch!
My lost appetite is back again! 🙂
My right thumbie is still painful.
It’s a really really long story.
To make it short, my hand is injured.
=)
Special thanks to those who are concerned, your genuine act of kindness has made me feel so much better, despite the torturing pain that I am having.
I had this splint done two weeks ago, and my thumb was not supposed to move a single strand of muscle cell.
Still, I love my duty. As a pharmacist. What more, a TDM pharmacist. 🙂
To pay the price of not listening to doctor’s advice, and not obeying friends’ commands: to stop using my right hand, it advanced to another level higher, which resulted in this:
The picture does not show you how badly I had been crying in the hospital, how the pain was eroding my scarce optimism, how embarrassed I was, to be consoled by the doctors, begging me not to cry. :’)
Being temporarily disabled, I see that God loves me so much. So much so that I feel that I don’t deserve it. It’s God’s grace. Amazing grace. 🙂
I don’t deserve to be treated like a princess at home. I don’t deserve to be exempted from doing ANY household chore. I don’t deserve to wait for the dinner to be served. I don’t deserve parents to take care of me after a tiring day of toil.
I don’t deserve friends to take care of my daily routine (like, washing my hair, wash my mug and etc). I don’t deserve friends to zip and unzip my bag, carry my bottle, remove my medications from blisters, open the gate, replace me for the three days of anjal… and to do what my right hand is not able to do now.
It’s like:
Ding Yen-Nee, you are way too lucky and blessed. You are so loved and pampered. You are such a fortunate child.
Suffering from pains and disabilities become a blessing, when you have awesome and supportive family members and friends around. They let you know that this isn’t bad at all. They make you believe that they never ever feel that you are a burden. They show you that they love you, together with your limitations. Through their eyes you see patience and love are in abundance, like a well that never dries.
A huge thank you to you, yes, you! For treating me like a true sibling of yours, for giving me encouragements to keep moving, and believing that I will get well in real soon, and to motivate me to train my left hand. I will keep fighting! 🙂 I promise.
the jour-nee. 